![]() ![]() I mean, those games look pretty fun, but damn if I ever get to play them." "When I was his age, every dollar I earned went toward food for my brothers and sisters, or paying the electric bill. "Brandon is a great kid, and he gets good grades, but when I see him fritter away his allowance on Big Macs and rap CDs, I get a little upset," Raschi said. This paragraph is a mini time capsule from 2002: Credit to Ed Raschi - he knows he’s a hypocrite. “ Father Bitter That Son Has Everything He Never Had ” is a good switcheroo from the classic tale of the proud father. The great irony is John Edwards being corrupted by Big Tobacco and not his own appetites. “ Philip Morris CEO Forces Senator To Dance For His Amusement ”: This joke is fine, although making fun of cigarette companies is low stakes. Hugh Jackman’s finest work is pretending that hacking is about aimless typing, shouting and many computer monitors. “ Film Critic Belatedly Comes Up With Swordfish Zinger ” : I saw “Swordfish” in the theater and enjoyed it, but it’s really stupid. As the Labor Department says: "Until these laid-off workers start pitching in and buying things, America's economy will continue to stagnate." “ Report: Recently Laid-Off Workers Not Doing Enough To Help Economy ” : This is a headline that’s funny because we can imagine laid-off people being blamed. Those Geneva Convention laws were written back when we were fighting white people." The Onion asked people on the street about it, and they were angry! Here’s a representative quote: “ The Al-Qaeda Captives ” is about what to do with early War on Terror prisoners. And what about candy? The president is talking about rewarding good behavior, and he doesn't even mention candy?" At the very least, we're going to need Pokémon stickers and lick-'n'-stick Hello Kitty stamps. "Kids don't even care about gold stars anymore. "What kind of president would think that distributing gold stars would improve the country's education system?" Hollings said. I like how Bush wants to expand the program to other kinds of stickers, like cartoon animals shouting “Super Job!” But not everyone loves the idea. Bush existed this week, although it’s unusual that “Bush Earmarks 1.5 Billion Gold Stars For Education” talks about a 2003 budget proposal and not No Child Left Behind, which became law in January 2002. The Onion remembered that President George W. "But, to be fair, Rajesh didn't help matters when he came after Majid with that squeegee."īush holds up a Dayton, OH, fourth-grader's gold-star-adorned book report on Ferdinand Magellan. James Sasser, a Harvard professor of Middle Eastern studies. "What Majid doesn't recognize is that there are significant differences between his Islamic culture and Rajesh's Hindu culture regarding gender roles," said Dr. Whatever the article topic, The Onion eventually turns to a scholar for analysis: ![]() ![]() Separately, a recurring theme in this newsletter is The Onion writing stories that are half-reporting, half-anthropology. This move would leave Ashraf with little choice but to retaliate with a strike against the candy aisle. In the wake of the breakdown in negotiations, many observers are fearful that the Indian family will "drop the bomb" and refuse Ashraf access to the Dumpster behind the station, effectively forcing him to pay for a separate commercial garbage service and increase his costs beyond profitability. But it’s also goofy, as this passage illustrates: And the insults from both men are vicious. Overall, the story does a nice job describing day-to-day life at a convenience store/gas station. ![]()
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